Jaeger Consultants Ltd

#kindness #leadership #projectmanagement #emotionalintelligents #empathy #servantleadership

Currently there are simply way to many new stories of suicides and people murdering their entire family, before they kill themselves. Each of these cases has a whole story behind it. A story of frustration and loneliness. And I personally believe it has to do with us leaving kindness behind.

Conscious Effort

If we make a conscious effort to put kindness back into our lives, we can give others hope. Kindness does not solve their problems, but it shows them that you care. It can actually make the difference in their lives that prevents them from going over the edge.

Get me right, I do not expect you to go sort their problems, pay their debts etc. A simple act of kindness can help someone from falling into depression to being happy again and believing in life again.

What can this look like?

In a recent leadership workshop about Servant Leadership I asked one group of participants the following question:

What can you achieve with kindness in project management? Don’t you need to be tough to achieve the project goals, timelines etc

The team remembered that in true servant leadership The head, the hand and the heart work together:

We often want to only blend Head & Hands and think we are leaders. But only if we blend the Heart in for the right mix and care deeply about the people we lead, will we become Servant Leaders.

Imagine a situation, where one of your team members is going through a tough time. Some crisis in their private life, that occupies their brain. Will they be able to fully function like usual? Just give a bit of kindness, and help them through it.

• Give a listening ear – really listen without judgement and keeping confidentiality
• Agree together whether the rest of the team should be told
• Give empathy
• Give them reassurance, that they remain part of the team and that you understand
• Agree together what the team member can really do and what may be tasking them too much in the situation
• Allocate work accordingly
• Keep checking on the team member

The Result

With that you have given the team member the feeling that you care about them. With empathy & a listening ear you have given them the reassurance they need and shown them that you have their back. The fact that you are giving them a chance to decide what work they can comfortably do, without risking their mind being side tracked by the crisis, you also give them the sense of purpose they need.

It doesn’t cost you anything. You will still meet your deadlines if they rest of the team pulls their weight. If you get the team to rally around the person with a crisis, you will actually be pulling them closer together as a team.

The team during the workshop also recognized that kindness can be shown through applied leadership:

• Collaboration
• Create Synergy
• Have a common vision
• Give structure
• Enable the team members / give opportunities
• remove barriers
• recognize skills & achievements & celebrate together

Try it out some time!

What if you are not the Team Leader?

You can still give kindness within the team. Be creative and decide when you need to involve others. But be the one who spreads kindness and has the colleagues back.

The little acts make a big difference in a person’s life.

The greatest gift you can give anyone is the gift of time & presence. By having time for that colleague you will make a difference in their life and you will influence the rest of the team by modelling the way

Let’s spread kindness today!

Active listening is an art. We say God gave you 2 ears and one mouth. so that you can listen twice as much as you talk.

Many times we listen with pre-conceived filters and only hear what the filter allows us to hear. For example the customer service person who calls someone who had raised a concern. It was a concern, but the customer service person perceived it as a complaint. So he picked up the phone already having decide he is going to explain to this client how the system works. He did not listen at all and for 10 minutes kept interrrupting the client trying to desperately explain how a the system works. You can imagine the client was not amused and the call ended up almost as a shouting match, since the client got frustrated. He felt not appreciated, yet the client had actually tried to raise a system error, that could potentially cost the company money, or leave them open to fraud.

A few minutes later a customer service Lady called. She asked first about the issue, listened patiently and with an open mind. Within 1 minute she had understood the issue, she also understood that the client did not have any issue with the actual statement, only with the sms messages giving conflicting information. She and the client had an amiable conversation and the client felt understood and taken care of.

Can you see the difference?

What is the difference here?

• The customer service Lady had an open mind. She worked actively to remove her filters and pre-conceived opinions
• She took time to understand
• The client was able to talk her through the issue with an example
• The tone remained friendly
• The client felt taken serious, not treated like a stupid child

Can you see how active listening will help you get to the bottom of things easier. It also makes the client feel appreciated and understood. The result is much better and it took less time.

Now take this into a team situation. If you take time to really listen to the your individual team members, you will build trust, understanding and better team work.

What does it take?

And all it takes is a few adjustments in your own mind & attitude:

• Identify any filters you may have
• Put your pre-conceived opinions aside
• Come with an open mind
• Come with a decision to want to understand
• Pay full attention
• Switch off the phone and any other diversion
• Come with a mind to want to find solutions, not to apportion blame

If you learn these few adjustments to your own attitude you will be able to really listen to people. You will be surprised how people will open up to you and you will be able to discuss things with solutions in mind. Conflicts will be prevented.

Let’s all work on our active listening skills!

I have just gone through a week, were all preparations for a Workshop seemed to fall apart. So I thought I share a few lessons learned. We were planning a whole day workshop.

• First the venue was not confirmed until 2 days before and it was different from what we had initially discussed.
• The budget was cut and we did not get the welcome tea. – we did without
• Someone tried to include her own agenda into my workshop – we found a solutions
• We had booked transport for those who wanted it, and suddenly only 1 person needed it – we cancelled and made sure the one person was able to come.
• On the day of the event people were all late. We started with 1.5hrs delay – we found a solution and also discussed with all in a calm manner how this has affected the program.
• My volunteer who was to lead the program, was unable to come due to a family emergency – we found a solution

Here are the things that work for me:

1. Breath – it is not the world’s end
2. relax – it does not need to be perfect and there is a solution
3. start writing down what you need to address and then work on them one after the other
4. Find someone you can vent to
5. Meditate
6. Take a deep breath before phone calls so that you do not come across as stressed or or end up shouting
7. Engage your team and get their ideas

If you look at the points I listed in the first paragraph, you see we found solutions for all issues that came at us and had a great event. This is only possible if you stay calm. The minute you start freaking out and overreacting things do haywire and you loose your teams trust. That’s why No. 4 above “find someone you can vent to” is so important. I always find someone I can vent to. Of course you need to keep confidentiality and chose a person who can take it. I also meditate a lot to calm myself down first.

So when all seems to be going wrong in your project, or when organizing meetings, events etc, just calm down, There are solutions to everything! Engage your team and you’ll be fine!

Think of all those who have helped you along the way as you started in your career as a PM or / and as a Leader. Where would you be without them?

Have you ever thought of volunteering and paying forward?

Paying forward is simply giving the help someone gave you to someone else in need. I have never forgotten what I was told during a time when I was down and under. A running buddy called me to his office and gave me some money, which was totally unexpected. He said, the only thing he wants me to do is, not pay him back, but pay forward. Give to others, when I am in a position again to help others.

Now paying forward is not just about money. It is about giving the same help you got to others. This could be:

1. Advice
2. A helping hand
3. Mentorship
4. Coaching
5. Emotional support

Volunteering

Volunteering is a great way to give back. I have volunteered and am still volunteering in various positions over the years. Some of the things I have done are:

• Giving advice to younger people or those younger in the career
• Volunteering in the PMI Kenya Chapter and for PMI Regionally & Globally
• Writing & publishing articles based on my experience
• Lending a listening ear to those struggling
• Mentoring others on project management, leadership and even career development
• Paying school fees to needy individuals

So you can see that volunteering and giving back can take many different shapes. You can definitely find something that interests you.

What is in it for you?

You have no idea how much you can gain as a Volunteer! It is not just the joy of giving back and putting smiles on people’s faces or helping to organize successful events. Through volunteering I have learned so many new skills, got to know so many people and even ended up getting a job because someone met me through volunteering.

• New skills
• Deeper understanding of principles and methods by having to rephrase & verbalize them
• New friends
• Getting your name out – and showing what you have got
• Network
• Fun
• PDUs
• Respect earned

The list is long, these are just some of the things that pop into my head.

Try volunteering and start giving back.

When talking about Mentorship the other day and defining the difference to pure instructions it hit me that this is the same in Leadership

Leadership is about

• Providing the vision – creating the picture in the teams mind
• Pulling the team together
• Creating the right atmosphere for exchange of ideas & brain storming
• Enabling the team
• Building relationships
• Bringing out the best in each team member

Instruction does not fit here. If you as a leader want to be the one who gives all the instructions, then think again. If you instruct, then you are blocking ideas and creative juices. A Leader is more like the conductor of an orchestra. He does not know how to play all the instruments, but he knows music and he knows his musicians. So he works with them to bring out the best!

Helping your team members to grow

As a team leader you have the amazing opportunity to help your team grow. Both as an individual, but also the team as a whole. If you spend some time to assess your team during a team meeting, you will see the growth. Ask each member to talk about the journey, what they have learned and what they think the team as a whole has learned.

You’ll be amazed!

The make a plan with them on what to do moving forward for the growth to continue