We are in a work place mental health crisis. Yet it severely impacts our performance, our health and our happiness. Let’s explore a bit more about it. In my experience mental health in Kenya or third-world workplaces is usually overlooked. We are taught early to not share any feelings at work. This has a very detrimental effect on mental health of employees. At the same time HR professionals are often poorly prepared to deal with mental health among their employees. Often they simply do not have the time.
This results in very sad statistics: In Kenya, an estimated 3.7 million out of 24.9 million working individuals may have a mental health condition. However again, because we are sweeping this under the carpet we end up with a whole host of other issues. Do you know people who drink to forget? People who think drinking, or other excesses are a way to relax? Who believe it helps them switch off their mind? Have you noticed people desperately looking for new jobs? These are all symptoms of toxic bosses. While we may not be able to change our bosses, we can greatly influence on our own well being.
What influences our mental health?
We are so used to simply replying that we are well. Let’s take time and think about your response next time you are asked.
For way too long has our environment expected us to show the stiff upper lip, no admit that we are human and never ever show your true feelings. I want to encourage all of us to start being honest when we are asked how are you.
I had a friend in college, who would literally take you by the shoulders shake you gently and ask you “how are you, really” when she felt you lied with your answer. That made a world of a difference to me!
- I felt seen
- I felt important enough to this person
- I felt like I mattered
For me, a person who grew up being told & shown regularly that I had no value, that I didn’t count and that I should not take myself important, this was a revolution. Suddenly I mattered!
Yes, it affected my mental health, positively!
Factors Destroying Mental Health in the Workplace
Our mental health is affected daily. Not just by our moods – that’s short term – but in the long term by experiences. How we and others perceive us, by traumas, and so many more factors. What do you think when you look in the mirror? For years and years I would look in the mirror and think “Looser”, “You fat and ugly cow” and other negative thoughts. That’s how I perceived myself.
How you think about yourself affects your self image and that in turn affects how others perceive you! Your self-image is shaped by how loved ones, colleagues, and bosses treat you. It is actually a chicken & egg situations, since how you perceive yourself is heavily influenced by how those around you perceive you. Yet if you have a negative self image you actually teach them to perceive you negatively.
This directly affects your mental health in a negative way. You will fight with things like depression, eating abnormalities and in worst cases even self harm. It will also trigger or aggravate physical issues like acidity, ulcers, high blood pressure etc.
Now how do we get ourselves out of this negative perception? It is as simple as saying “enough”. It is definitely not that fast. But that is the beginning.
6 Proven Strategies to Rebuild Your Self-Image (From My Journey)?
Here are some of the things I did successfully. I went from a teenager who didn’t dare have my own opinion because I felt so unimportant, so stupid and so worthless to a confident professional. Now I am someone who clearly sets boundaries and walks away from toxic situations, even if this means leaving a very good salary.
- A friend who is a therapist, told me to change the image i see when looking in the mirror by positive self talk. She gave me the home work to stand in front of the mirror for 10 minutes every day and say positive things about myself. It was hard in the beginning, I felt like a liar, I felt foolish, my mind kept telling me these positive things are not true. But I kept at it. Not every day, but in the long run I could see my self perception shift
- I have an achievement box. This is a box with little loose pieces of paper and each piece has an achievement I am proud of, this goes across all areas in live. There are achievements from “I ran a marathon”, over “I learned to accept myself and live positively with Rheumatoid Arthritis”, to “I successfully changed career at 46” and “I did my under graduate degree with 42”. When I feel down and like the biggest looser I will sit down and pull papers out randomly and read them. Then I will confirm to myself, yes indeed I achieved this. I do this until I feel better about myself. I got this tip from a trauma therapist. She told me not to make a list, because then the achievements are in a set order and do not affect you positively as much as pulling them randomly. This does work and I noticed I needed to use it less and less often
- I changed my approach to job search. It went from just looking for an income to what do I want to do and then even doing long research about the potential employer to see if there is a history of toxic behaviors.
- I learned to set boundaries – yes I have repeatedly had discussions with my bosses, when i was still in employment, where we rediscussed my role, and reset priorities. Especially in these toxic situations where a boss keeps adding you responsibilities because you are reliable.
- I tried to use discussions with Senior Managers and HR Managers, to try and defuse toxic situations. However, this was only partly successful. Here in Kenya we generally have a very old fashioned culture set-up, where anyone talking about something like this will be perceived as weak.
- I learned to walk away. If a situation is toxic for you – others may not perceive it as toxic or some times just keep quiet because of the good salary or such – you need to check your mental health. If you are starting to feel depressed, frustrated, stuck or like you are useless, it is time to walk away. If possible look for another job first, so that you don’t end up without income. But sometimes you need to get away quickly if it is affecting you badly.
The Mental Health Crisis affects all of us – we need to find solutions for ourselves
There are many other things I could list from my experience. I will spend time in the next few blogs and start discussing different aspects of mental health toxic environments etc.
My main message here is: Take care of yourself! You are the most important person to yourself. If your mental health is suffering, your work, your friendships, relationships and your family will suffer.
Follow for my next blog on overcoming workplace trauma in African cultures.