As much as we try to avoid or prevent it, there is always of some conflict emerging in your team or between you and your subcontractor or dependent contractor. As project managers we need to keep an eye open for any emerging conflict. Look out for people rubbing each other wrongly, so that you can douse any conflict before it erupts. If you note one team member keeps contradicting a certain other person, or everyone, sit them down separately and find out what is going on. This is a brewing conflict. Either the person has problems with himself, or serious stress in his life and the behavior is just a symptom. However a symptom, which can cause serious conflict, if the other person gets offended. Or the person is in actual conflict with another. Then you need to drill down into it and convince the person to sort this out. Many insecure people will refuse and claim there is no conflict or no issue. But if the symptoms / the behavior say there is one, then there is a conflict and you better sort it out.
If 2 parties are involved start by encouraging them to sort it out between themselves. However those in denial or with insecurities will often refuse. Then you, as the leader, need to guide. Sometimes it is enough to allocate them to some work together, but supervising closely. Best some work that will force them to talk to each other. But at times you have to sit them down in front of yourself and open the discussion. Ensure that both know that what is to be discussed will stay in the room, but no one will leave until it is resolved. This is not easy, but it is very important!
If you see several people ganging up against one person, or people refusing to work with one particular person, talk to each separately. Get all their views first, and remain neutral. It is essential you remain neutral, just as much as it is essential that you LISTEN to each first without interrupting. Let them have their say. Depending on the situation, you can then either explain to each individually what is going on, where they are going wrong, or you need to sit different groups around a table to discuss and sort their differences out.
Conflict management is very much the responsibility of the project manager and if you fail to do it, your project outcome is at risk. You may also risk shouting matches in front of clients.
If you see tempers rising during a meeting, try and smoothen the situation, change the topic and make sure that everyone knows the issue will be discussed afterwards outside of the meeting. Let tempers cool first, including your own if necessary.
Read up on common conflict management techniques like:
- Collaborating
- Compromising
- Smoothing / Accommodating
- Withdrawal / Avoiding
- Forcing
- Confronting & Problem solving
You will need them and at that point there will be no chance to read up on it.
You also need to know that in the 3 stages of conflict everyone, changes their behavior. However every individual has their own behavior pattern. The 3 stages of conflict are:
Stage 1:There is conflict, but it is not personal
Stage 2:It is now becoming personal, but you can still reason
Stage 3: You are feeling personally attacked, pushed against the wall and only getting out of this counts.
And you need to learn to read the early warning signs and try and arrest any conflict situation in stage 1, while people can still reason. However since every person has their own sequence of behavior it is difficult to analyze.
We all fall into one of the following 7 motivational groups:
- Red – people who are primarily goal oriented – assertive directing
- Blue – people who are primarily people oriented – altruistic nurturing
- Green – people who are primarily process oriented – analytical autonomizing
- Red-blue – assertive nurturing
- Red-green – judicious competing
- Blue-green – cautious supporting
- Hubs – flexible cohering
However we still have elements of the other groups, and even people in the same group have these motivational focus in varying degrees. When we go into conflict, we all show the 3 primary groups in varying degrees. The order and severity in which we experience them may vary as well. For example, someone who usually falls in the blue spectrum will at one conflict stage be red, another more blue and another green. I myself am usually at the border of hub and green-blue, however in conflict I go blue first, then red and finally green. When you hear me insisting on processes and not talking about anything else anymore, be careful, I am in stage 3 of conflict. For someone else the stage 3 will be red or blue.
If you want to learn more about this, check out Total SDI. It is essential to know your own color and the conflict sequence, since you need to know when you are going into conflict. At that point you need to remove yourself from the situation and think it through, before you take any action.